Focus

I'm sure there were loud screams

Coming out of her mouth

When I gave my sister her first bath

I'm sure there was soap and warm water

Covering her in a tub

But I'm not sure

It's all black tinged in my mind

My almost three year old brain didn't focus

On any other details

Not focused again until

It's a hot summer day in

my striking pink corvette

only four though I feel

like so much more when

I meet my first friend

Not focused again until

Otter pops, one a day

Sticky hands, sticky day, playing cops and robbers

Lighting off fireworks

In the street, popping in the blackness

Nighttime still light, eyes rubbed red from battles previously fought

Not focused again until

Loud bustling bumper cars in bright colors

Desire to crash, fear of impact

Fear to fall off the boardwalk along the beach

Seaside, rolling waves, sand

Everywhere, my toes, my swimsuit, my hotdog and s'mores

Not focused again until

Clanking nickels and number calling

The glares, the consequence of beating

The old nursing home ladies with their hearing aids

Where we eat our pinwheels and mint chocolate ice cream

Sit in great grandpa's chair so calm and happy

Not focused again until

The hissing air of blowing up the bed

Lights from the bridge keeping me up but really

An excuse to read all those classics

In the little bookshelf, on the yellow walls

Of my grandparents house

Not focused again until

The wet grass soaking my shoes while

We pace with each other, talking, imagining

Our game, the four of us best friends always

Playing, creating more, taking on more roles only

Waiting for the bell to ring and end our fun

Not focused again until

The crunch of gravel, cementing the feeling

Of the first day of middle school, truly

Realizing that only three of us will be there

One in another school just waiting

To be united again

Not focused again until

High heels too tall, tripping and

Recovering last minute making it a more

Memorable 8th grade graduation than

The speech and solos I performed causing

A surge of relief of moving on

Not focused again until

Three months in and

I’m staring at the wall

Of my freshman health class

The impact of high school

Only just then taking its hold

Not focused again until

My hands are on the wheel

Of my car where tears

Stream down my face in

The hot weather of my

Last day of sophmore year

Unfocused again

Will probably stay

Until the realization hits

That life is real

And I am not

Only a dreamer lost in a deep sleep